Fathers described how their CCN liaised between professionals and often acted as a key worker. Three children received respite at home provided by a CCN carer. One child was offered respite at home but the father explained how they had declined the service at present. One child had a joint funded package of respite between the health service and social services. Six out of the eight children attended a children's hospice for respite or short break care on a regular basis.
Paternal focused and positive services
Fathers wanted to be recognised for their expertise and were satisfied with health and CCN services they received, and most found the level of support to be high quality. There were subtle differences between fathers' interpretations and perceptions regarding the purpose and focus of supportive services, compared with our more extensive experiences of working with mothers. For example, when asked about services aimed directly at fathers the response was that services already met their needs. Father 2 explained:
'As long as the systems are in place and the care's in place that support the family then I think that fathers would be much more, be comfortable with it, whereas anything that's just for fathers could actually add to the guilt'.
This inverse level of guilt if services are individually tailored to fathers' needs warrants further exploration and consideration in terms of service planning. We were not able to ascertain why fathers felt guilty if interventions and services were focussed specifically on their needs, other than fathers may not want any specific focus on them and may not want to be considered as needing additional State support in order to cope. Fathers were also generally caring in greater isolation than mothers, who in our experience have different and more established social networks and higher motivations to maintain a social network whilst parenting and caring. For mothers who care, there are opportunities to meet other mothers at various mother/child groups, social network sites and at school. For example, there are groups of mothers of disabled children who communicate via Facebook, but we have little evidence as to whether fathers who care are gaining support from similar types of activities. Fathers' needs in terms of managing as a solitary carer with a child-focused caring routine at home, with limited social contact whilst caring, warrant specific attention. There is little evidence in the literature to help understand if certain types of interventions would be acceptable or whether fathers would benefit from interventions to better understand their behaviours and support their engagement in adapting their caring routines to where appropriate incorporate social networking opportunities.
Some fathers said that they did perceive some gender bias in the way they were treated by family members. Father 5 felt that family members were more sympathetic with the child's mother as they assumed she was more upset with the situation than he was, but he did not feel as though he was treated differently by any professionals:
'I feel like people have treated us really equally and I don't think anyone's assumed that (wife)'s more upset than me, and I don't think that people have assumed that (wife) needs to be told more information than me, I think we have been treated pretty equally'.
He explained that he was often equally upset and he was the main carer. Family members, nonetheless, expected him to cope with the situation and often focused their support on the mother.
Like parents in countless other studies, Father 6 felt he would like more information regarding service availability and choices. He explained:
'If we'd been left to our own devices we wouldn't have had access to anything and so we would have probably struggled for a couple of years without the things that (child) needed.'
The support received subsequently by the CCN and CCN service was valued by fathers who described positive and effective relationships with their nurses.
Father 7 outlined the support of their CCN:
'.. We call her because (name of nurse) says we know, we're old hands at it, we know what we're doing so we just call (nurse) if we're concerned or obviously if we need equipment like for medications we just give her a ring or if this you know if she's (child) not looking too well but we don't think we need to go to hospital then we can ring (nurse) and she will come in'.
Father 8 explained how their CCN supports them:
'.. they (CCNs) just say the right things at the right time, if you're a bit low and a bit down, they just say the right thing, and its good'.
The children's hospice provided excellent support and respite to a number of families. Fathers utilised the hospice as part of a whole family or left the child there for care in order to spend time with the rest of the family or child's mother.
Father 5 was grateful for the support from the CCN team. He explained:
'We wouldn't have been able to come home without (nurse) definitely, and at first when we came back, last year, we reckoned just having (nurse) available to us kept us out of hospital a hell of a lot just, even if, just having her there, just knowing that she's there means that when anything, you know that if, you've got that security if you want back up and you know that if anything does happen that you've got someone you can go to, or when something happens rather than kind of going 'what do we do?'
All of the children attended the local hospital and the specialist children's hospital for consultant review. Fathers commented on the support they receive from consultants in both settings. All of the children had "open access" to their local children's ward. This meant that if the child was unwell they could go directly to the ward and did not need referral from a General Practitioner (GP) or other healthcare professional. Two of the fathers talked about the good support they received from their GP and the regular contact they maintained. One of the children also accessed support from the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS).
One father explained how they preferred all contact from professionals involved to be on their terms and to fit with the way they cared for their child. Father 4 talked about the support he had provided to other parents in their situation, and how important it was for professionals to find a balance and provide the appropriate level of support whilst at the same time respecting parents for the level of care they provide for their child:
'What we find is ourselves are usually the ones who are giving the advice out, and even your consultant, our consultant will tell us that we know better than they do on the management of the condition'.
When liaising with healthcare professionals on a regular basis fathers appreciated an awareness that they were the individuals involved in the day to day care and all aspects of their child's care.
Father 2 praised the services they received and felt that they would not have received this level of care elsewhere in the UK. He was offered a re-location package with work, but after an examination of the services in the relocation area decided to keep his family in the study area and travel a longer distance to work.
Overall, fathers felt involved in discussions with professionals that were aimed at both parents. For example, Father 5 felt parents were treated equally:
'I've not felt aware of anything that has specifically sort of alienated me because I'm a father if you see what I mean, I've not felt like there's any imbalance there at all, and especially at (hospital) anyway because you do get a lot of fathers staying at the hospital.....I can't really pinpoint anything that I thought that's happened to me because I'm a father'.